This blog was written last week, but we decided to wait until today to post so it will be fresh on everyone’s minds (ours included) as we return to Texas…
Changes, they are a comin'.
The Land of a Thousand Hills has stolen our hearts. Just yesterday Brandon said, “Mom, Zach and I didn’t want to come; now we don’t want to leave.” I am sitting on our back porch as I start to type this, just as I have done every morning this week. I am surrounded by the green patchwork hills, the bougainvillea’s, red and pale purple, the birds of every size and color flying past in the morning light, the cool breeze on my face. No wonder Brandon and Zach don’t want to leave. It’s paradise here. God’s beauty is literally surrounding us at every turn.
His blessings over this past year have never ceased to amaze us. From the beauty that we see every day, to His healing powers witnessed at the hospital, to lifting us up when we didn’t think we could go another day. Never could we have made it here without Him.
But we do have to leave. I was writing in my journal yesterday, trying to make sense of some of the feelings I am having about leaving. I wrote, “not wanting to leave, but not wanting to stay.” Trying to express and put into words how we are feeling is difficult. Our hearts are torn between two different countries.
During my quiet time this morning I came across this verse from Psalms that spoke to my heart and reassured me of God’s love and provision for our family. “Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for I have put my trust in you.” Psalm 143:8.
How completely perfect for what I needed this morning. To be reminded of God’s unfailing love for us and that He will show us the way in which we should go. We have only to put our trust in Him. I look out at these hills and am just blown away. God wouldn’t have given us such astounding beauty if He didn’t love us.
But back to the change part, because no matter how our hearts feel, our tickets are purchased and in just a few short days our feet will land on American soil again! We cannot wait to hug our family and friends, to feel their embrace. You just cannot get those same feelings over the phone or via face time. We are so happy that we will see our church family soon and be able worship our Lord in English in just a couple of weeks.
There are terms in missionary life (and for all those living outside their passport country) called, 'reentry' and 'reverse culture shock'. Meaning, in a nutshell, you may feel differently (shocked) about things in your passport country upon reentry. You may feel differently about certain things, people and places. You may look at things differently. Feelings of fear, anger, depression and shock will cycle. I have been reading a book called Third Culture Kids, during our time here and over the last few weeks we have been preparing our kids for what we think will affect them the most. We have been out of America for 15 months, not a long time in the grand scheme of things, but we do not want to be naïve and think we won’t have any of these feelings. So while we are all preparing for a few tough emotions ahead we are also putting our trust in the Lord, knowing He will carry us through.
What we are asking is for our friends and family to please be patient with us. Adjustment will take some time… If we don’t seem the same or don’t spend much time away from the house, please don’t think that you did anything wrong or that we don’t like you. We don’t know how we’ll react or how long this adjustment period will last as both will vary from person to person. We do know that, with a little time, we should get over the reverse culture shock and be able to get back into a routine.
We don’t have it all figured out, we will never be the same people again, we will grieve for the people and relationships we are leaving behind but at the same time this trial will grow us all closer to our Creator. Because He fearfully and wonderfully made each one of us and He knows the plans He has for us. Plans we can’t wait to figure out…we know God is not finished with us on the mission field. We will return. Somewhere and someday.
Please pray for our family and all these upcoming changes and emotions we are already feeling, for our safety while traveling and for a smooth transition back to life in America.
See you all soon!
