When Enough Isn't Enough

A few days ago we reached the 7 month mark of living and serving in Rwanda. I wish I could tell you that we've made a HUGE difference here already and that Kibogora is a much better place because of us. Instead, as I reflect back on our time here so far, I have to admit that I'm left with a feeling of insufficiency that's hard to explain... I mean, we took a huge leap of faith and gave up the life we knew to move here and make a difference. We worked hard to build what we had, but we knew in our hearts that God was calling us to serve Him and His kingdom. Having been here 7 months, I know that we are making and have made a difference in the lives of many families and individuals, and we still know this was God's calling, but I can't help but feel like I could have/should have/would have done more at this point. Is that selfish of me? Possibly. That doesn't make me any more content with what I've accomplished individually or what we have accomplished as a family.

My guess is that I'm not the only missionary to ever feel this way. In fact, whether you're a missionary serving abroad or serving Christ in your own community, I'd be willing to bet (if I were a betting man) that there are likely some of you reading this that feel the same way right now. So, what does that mean? Does it truly mean we're not doing enough?

When I attempted to answer that question for myself and tackle my feeling of inadequacy, I immediately looked at the ultimate missionary: Jesus. Jesus was the ultimate giver and life changer. During his life, Jesus made a direct impact in the lives of thousands of people. He could have easily been content with healing a few sick people. He could've stopped after raising the widows son from the dead, or healing the lepers, or calming the storm, or casting out the demons, or healing the paralytic, or giving sight to the blind, or giving hearing to the deaf, or feeding 5,000, or raising Lazarus from the dead, or after any of the other miracles he performed and people he helped. Instead, Jesus continued performing miracle after miracle and helping more and more people. He performed miracles and helped others right up to his crucifixion. Then He gave the ultimate gift when, with His dying breath, He gave life to every single person who believes in Him for eternity. Could you imagine having an impact like that?

Jesus did enough early in His ministry, but was never content with it. I think we are programmed in a similar way. Even when we give our lives to God to do His work, we were given the gift to not be content so that we can push to do more. As Christians, if we truly strive to live like Jesus, we should never be content with the number of people we help, the number of Christians we convert, or the number of good deeds we perform. Only when we stop helping others should we feel inadequate or insufficient.

So tomorrow (Thanksgiving) I'll thank God for the gift of not being content. Will you join me?