Changes

This blog was written last week, but we decided to wait until today to post so it will be fresh on everyone’s minds (ours included) as we return to Texas…

Changes, they are a comin'.

The Land of a Thousand Hills has stolen our hearts. Just yesterday Brandon said, “Mom, Zach and I didn’t want to come; now we don’t want to leave.” I am sitting on our back porch as I start to type this, just as I have done every morning this week. I am surrounded by the green patchwork hills, the bougainvillea’s, red and pale purple, the birds of every size and color flying past in the morning light, the cool breeze on my face. No wonder Brandon and Zach don’t want to leave. It’s paradise here. God’s beauty is literally surrounding us at every turn.

His blessings over this past year have never ceased to amaze us. From the beauty that we see every day, to His healing powers witnessed at the hospital, to lifting us up when we didn’t think we could go another day. Never could we have made it here without Him.

But we do have to leave. I was writing in my journal yesterday, trying to make sense of some of the feelings I am having about leaving. I wrote, “not wanting to leave, but not wanting to stay.” Trying to express and put into words how we are feeling is difficult. Our hearts are torn between two different countries.

During my quiet time this morning I came across this verse from Psalms that spoke to my heart and reassured me of God’s love and provision for our family. “Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for I have put my trust in you.” Psalm 143:8.

How completely perfect for what I needed this morning. To be reminded of God’s unfailing love for us and that He will show us the way in which we should go. We have only to put our trust in Him. I look out at these hills and am just blown away. God wouldn’t have given us such astounding beauty if He didn’t love us.

But back to the change part, because no matter how our hearts feel, our tickets are purchased and in just a few short days our feet will land on American soil again! We cannot wait to hug our family and friends, to feel their embrace. You just cannot get those same feelings over the phone or via face time. We are so happy that we will see our church family soon and be able worship our Lord in English in just a couple of weeks.

There are terms in missionary life (and for all those living outside their passport country) called, 'reentry' and 'reverse culture shock'. Meaning, in a nutshell, you may feel differently (shocked) about things in your passport country upon reentry. You may feel differently about certain things, people and places. You may look at things differently. Feelings of fear, anger, depression and shock will cycle. I have been reading a book called Third Culture Kids, during our time here and over the last few weeks we have been preparing our kids for what we think will affect them the most. We have been out of America for 15 months, not a long time in the grand scheme of things, but we do not want to be naïve and think we won’t have any of these feelings. So while we are all preparing for a few tough emotions ahead we are also putting our trust in the Lord, knowing He will carry us through.

What we are asking is for our friends and family to please be patient with us. Adjustment will take some time… If we don’t seem the same or don’t spend much time away from the house, please don’t think that you did anything wrong or that we don’t like you. We don’t know how we’ll react or how long this adjustment period will last as both will vary from person to person. We do know that, with a little time, we should get over the reverse culture shock and be able to get back into a routine.

We don’t have it all figured out, we will never be the same people again, we will grieve for the people and relationships we are leaving behind but at the same time this trial will grow us all closer to our Creator. Because He fearfully and wonderfully made each one of us and He knows the plans He has for us. Plans we can’t wait to figure out…we know God is not finished with us on the mission field. We will return. Somewhere and someday.

Please pray for our family and all these upcoming changes and emotions we are already feeling, for our safety while traveling and for a smooth transition back to life in America.

See you all soon!

The Will to do More

We're almost there... in little over two weeks we'll load onto the plane and leave this country that we've grown to love. The craziness of trying to finish the unfinished, accomplish the un-accomplished, and greet the un-greeted is in full swing. The burden of time is weighing on us... it feels like there's so much left to do. Regardless of what we have accomplished, there's always that feeling that we could have and should have done more.

We ask ourselves questions like "Should we have pushed ourselves on the weekend instead of relaxing at Kumbya or resting at home?" or "Should we have used the money we spent on 'such-and-such' and used it the help someone here instead?"

Don't get me wrong, we are aware of the good we've done here... The things we've accomplished at the hospital and mission... helping children stay free from disease or malnourishment... helping children get an education by providing an opportunity to go to school... helping adults have a brighter future by assisting them with financial means to go to university... helping widows and orphan children by providing clean burning stoves, food, water purifiers, and medical insurance… Many of these we didn't budget for. In many cases, we made sacrifices to assist someone else in need.

But, in actuality, the above victories aren't ours at all. All the honor and glory goes straight to God! He is the reason we're here; He's the reason we have the necessary skills to accomplish all that we have here; He's the one that gave us strength; He's the one that gave us the necessary funds; He's the one that put those that are listed above in front of us; and He's the one that moved us to help them.

So why do we feel this way? Why do we feel like we could've done more? I believe it's because God made us that way. The pain and suffering of His people breaks His heart, and He wants to use those of us that are able, to help those that are in need. It's a feeling we should all have, not just missionaries about to leave the country they're serving in. We should feel the will to do more because we know there's more around us that needs to be done. But we must realize that the feeling is positive, not negative. God gives us the will and strength to do more. Satan gives us feelings of being insufficient for not doing enough.

As difficult as it is, we shouldn't mistake the feeling of wanting to do more with feelings of inadequacy. God knows our time here in Rwanda is coming to a close. At that time, we know He will use our willingness to serve and will turn those feelings of "wanting to do more" to light a fire for something else He has lined up for us to do in Texas.

In the mean time, we know that we'll be super busy over our last 2 weeks here. We will dearly miss our friends and colleagues here in Rwanda, but we're super excited to see what He has in store for us in the future! Regardless of what it is or where we are, we are ready and willing to do more for Him!

Mixed Emotions

We're quickly approaching the 1 month mark before leaving Rwanda and heading back to Texas! As we start our 30 day countdown in just a few days, the emotions typically associated with leaving a place you call home are starting to surface.

The #1 thing that we're super excited about when returning home is that we will get to see all our family and friends that we've dearly missed... but we're also extremely sad to leave our friends and colleagues here, many who have become like family to us.

Yes, we were sad to leave our family and friends in Texas when we came to Rwanda 14 months ago, but this, at least to me, feels a little different. I think the main reason is that, when we left Texas, we knew with a great deal of certainty that we would see everyone there again. This time, however, we know that we might possibly be saying our final face-to-face goodbye to everyone here. It's a reality that is hard to think about, but is starting to set in.

We're also super excited to see our church family at KFUMC... but it will also a bit strange as much of the clergy and staff has changed while we were gone. Much of those that are no longer at KFUMC were our mentors and guides as we were getting ready to start our global missions work. We know we will be accepted with open arms when we return, and are positive that we will develop new friendships with the new staff members, but there's still a slight sense of uncertainty as to what it will be like when we arrive.

We're definitely looking forward to the good food that we've been missing. It's amazing how much one can miss certain restaurants and grocery store items. As much as we're looking forward to enjoying those foods, we'll also greatly miss the fresh fruits and vegetables, as well as many of the other dishes we've grown to love here.

We are excited to see Kerrville and the rest of the Texas Hill Country, especially now that most of the rivers, creeks and lakes have water again... but the beauty here in Rwanda, particularly the great view from our house, is breathtaking and will be greatly missed. I will miss eating fresh fruit every morning while looking out over the awesome scenery God made for us here.

One thing we're not looking forward to is entering into the hot Texas summer heat. We are trying to prepare ourselves, but the year around weather here in Rwanda is mid-70's to mid 80's as the high during the day, so all we can do is prepare mentally. Going from 80 degrees to 100 degrees might take a bit of getting used to.

Adjusting from "Africa time" to America time might prove to be a little tough and might take some getting used to as well. I'm not just talking about the 7 hour time difference that is sure to cause a bit of jet-lag for a week or so... I'm talking more about the laid back "if I say 1:00 I really mean 1:30 or 1:45 kind of "African time." Things are much more laid back here than they are in the states. Please be patient as we adjust our internal clocks.

We will miss being able to walk to work and friends homes, the super rough road to Kumbya, the 6 hour trips to Kigali, leaving all the windows in the house open 24/7, the awesome thunder and lightning storms during rainy season, the Land Cruiser, watching movies on the projector, friends dropping by unannounced, playing games as a family, visiting families and individuals that we support, and much, much more.

Much like when we first arrived here, we will go through a period of transition when we return to the states. We experienced culture shock here, and are preparing for reverse culture shock when we return home.

Macy brought home this poem called "I Am Green" from RVA on her last break:

I grew up in a Blue Country.
My parents grew up in a Yellow Country.
They tell me I am Yellow.
And sometimes we go to visit Yellow Country.

When I am in Yellow Country
I go to school with the Yellow kids.
I dress like the Yellow kids.
And I talk like the Yellow kids.

But when I am in Blue Country
I go to school with the Blue kids.
I dress like the Blue kids.
And I talk like the Blue kids.

Sometimes when I am in Yellow Country
I really miss the Blue ways.
I guess that the things that I do and say
Are really rather Bluish in color.

In the same way, when I am in Blue Country
There are things I miss about Yellow Country.
And I am sure the things I do and say
Appear rather Yellowish is color.

All the changing around is so confusing.
Blue or Yellow? Who am I really?
I wonder if there is a place where I could just be me,
Where the Blue and the Yellow could just run free.

Sometimes when I am flying between the two places
I want to stay up there in the middle of all the races.
If only I could stop some place in between.
If only I could just be GREEN!

Even though we will have only been in Africa for 15 months, we feel it's a good poem that gives us (and you) a sense of how we might feel when we first arrive. Please join us in praying for a smooth transition for all of us!

We are ready, though. We can't wait to land in San Antonio and drive to Kerrville. We are so looking forward to seeing everyone, sharing stories, sleeping on soft beds, driving on smooth, straight roads, eating delicious meals, attending English church services, shopping at real stores that are less than 6 hours away, not having to double filter water before drinking it, having a full size fridge, having reliable power, and so, so much more.

Just over 30 days to go. The countdown is on.

Jesus Goggles

We are now in our final 2 months of our ministry here at Kibogora. As we start looking forward, I can't help but notice that things ahead are a bit... unclear. The only things that are currently planned are that we will be back in Kerrville on July 21st, and that we will be living in a missionary house owned by Trinity Baptist Church (praise God!). We aren't sure how we'll get home from the airport (though I'm sure some of our loving friends and family will be happy to help us out), where Steph and I will be working, what we'll use to get from point A to point B, or, looking further ahead, where we'll be headed when we enter back into the mission field in 2016 (or, really, IF we'll be headed back out).

So much uncertainty. The type of uncertainty that, prior to 2013, would have driven me crazy. But here's the thing: Though I have never been so unsure of my families and my future, I have never been so much at peace with what the future holds.

You see, prior to 2013 I thought I was in the drivers seat, and I was trying to steer my life in the direction I thought it should go. But I have learned over the last 2 years that I am not in the drivers seat, but Jesus is. He has shown me time and time again that He will take care of us so long as we trust in Him.

That's not to say we just sit around waiting for Him to make things happen. We must take a proactive approach starting with prayer, but also including being His hands and feet and allowing Him to guide us and take necessary actions that we feel He is leading us to take. For instance, Trinity Baptist Church likely wouldn't have reached out to us about the missionary house as they didn't know we needed to use it...instead, God placed it on Linda Berg's heart to email them on our behalf, Trinity sent us the paperwork, and we printed it, filled it out, scanned it, and emailed it back. God does not always do things for you, but instead He moves people to do things.

Does that make me a bad husband? A bad father? A bad person? Am I wrong for placing my future in someone else's hands? My answer is simply, "no." For I believe what God promised in Jeremiah 29:11 when he said "For I know the plans I have for you... plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope."

I also believe the words in Philippians 4:19 when Paul writes "And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus." This verse tells us that it is God that supplies our needs from His riches (not that of the world), and it is Jesus who, as our "future and hope," is the giver and mediator of those riches.

Jesus told us in John 14:6 “I am the way, and the truth, and the life." If you believe in Jesus, he's not a way you can follow, he's the way that you should follow.

So, when things aren't clear and I'm not sure of which direction I should go, I will put on my Jesus goggles. Though they may not allow me to see far into the future, I know they will point me in the right direction.

Though the road He takes us down might not always be the smoothest or most comfortable, it's a far better road than the one I would go down if I still had a hold of the wheel.

Prayer Requests:

As we approach our departure date, we invite you all to join us in praying for the following:

• For clear direction as to what God wants for our future
• That we will finish strong here in our current ministry
• For our children-that Macy will finish her school year at RVA strong, for Zach, who is almost finished with home school for the year (Hooray!) and for Brandon as some of his friends here are leaving at the end of this week
• That God will continue to use us for His glory and that His light will shine through each of us everyday
• For feelings of homesickness that we still have
• For the patients and families of Kibogora Hospital
• For knowledge and wisdom for the hospital staff

Thank you and God bless!!

1 Year Anniversary

Wow! It’s amazing to think that a year ago today we stepped off a plane and onto the continent of Africa. We had just left our home, our family and our friends to answer God's call and move our lives to Rwanda. And what an amazing experience it has been. We have learned so much over this last year. Things about food, travel, language, raising children in a foreign country, driving in a foreign country, living without an HEB down the road, the list goes on and on. So many things. But more importantly, we learned more about ourselves. And even more important than that, we learned more about our relationship with our God and Savior. We learned how to put our trust in Him. How to lay our worries at His feet and leave them there. All it took was a move across the world to learn that.

For the most part, this past year has been very positive and filled with amazing experiences that have deepened our faith and brought us closer to Jesus. However, there have also been the inevitable bad times that have tested us. Thankfully, those bad times have also deepened our faith as we continually found that we need to rely on and trust in God to get through.

If we could sum up our first year in the mission field in five words we would use:

• humbling 
• conviction 
• amazing 
• challenging 
• lonely 

Humbling: Whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted -Matthew 23:12. Living among and seeing poverty first hand is emotionally and spiritually difficult, and has opened all of our eyes to how truly blessed we are. As Americans, there are so many things we take for granted. When we think we're having a bad day, all it takes is a short walk to remind us of this. This has been the most humbling experience of our lives, and we know we will never be the same again.

Conviction: “A belief is something you will argue about. A conviction is something you will die for!” -Howard Hendricks. Without our constant trust in Him, we would never make it here. Spending time in his word and prayer each day has made all the difference for us. God is good and He continues to be with us and hold each one of us up daily. We are constantly reminded that He is here with us helping us along the way, and our faith in Him is stronger now than it has ever been.

Amazing: This place is beautiful. Pictures do not do it justice. I have heard many people compare it to what they think the Garden of Eden would have looked like. The people are amazing. They are strong physically, emotionally and spiritually. They endure so, so much every single day, and we are constantly surprised by what they can do here. There are so many things that we have seen, heard, learned, and felt that could be described as amazing.

Challenging: We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; 2 Corinthians 4:8-9. There are many challenges, with the most obvious one being the language barrier! We have loved trying to learn Kinyarwandan, although it is tough! All of our kids are also learning Spanish in school. Our hats go off to them for learning two new languages at once. Then there's the challenge of balancing between doing all that we can and not trying to do too much. There are so many things we wish we could do to help the people of Rwanda, but simply can't because of financial or time constraints. It's easy to get caught up in doing all you can to serve, but forgetting that your family needs you as well. It has been very challenging to balance these things. 

Lonely: Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand -Isaiah 41:10. We currently have an amazing missionary community here, but it's not always that way. There have been many months that it was just us and one other missionary. Needless to say, loneliness creeps in often, especially for our children. We make a conscious effort to spend time together as a family. We truly miss our family and friends back home each and every day. 

The last year has been everything from amazing to amazingly difficult. The one thing that remained constant is God's love for us and for the Rwandan people. It has been such a great experience, and we are so happy to have experienced it.

As many of you know, we will be headed home to Texas near the end of July. We will spend the next year on furlough and will be raising support before we join the mission field again. We don’t know what God has in store for us next but we can’t wait to find out!

Thank you all for your prayers and your financial support! We couldn't do this without you!

Please join us as we pray for the following:

-For God to give us clear direction and guidance as to how He would like us to serve Him next

-That each day we are able to bring God glory

-That in our remaining time here we will be witnesses to God's glory and that each day we will shine for Him

-For Macy's safety as she returns to Kenya for school (especially in light of recent events) and for comfort and peace for the rest of us at home to know God is taking care of her

-For Zach, Brandon and our niece Hailey, that they would finish out this school year strong (homeschooling has not been easy)

-For a desire for each of our children to know God more

-For the many patients at Kibogora Hospital, that they will feel God's love and experience His healing power, that we will be able to touch their lives in some way and bring them closer to their own relationship with our Almighty.

Hello, Goodbye, & the Amazing Community at Kibogora

Term 2 at RVA is complete, which means Macy has returned home to Rwanda! We picked her up at Kigali International a little over a week ago, and she will be spending almost the entire month of April with us! We are so excited and filled with so much joy to have the family back in the same house again, and we are looking forward to spending time together this month.

A day after Macy arrived we were back at Kigali International as we said goodbye to the boys' teacher and a family friend, Jaycee. We didn't know Jaycee too well prior to her arriving in September, but she has practically been living with us for the last 6 months, so she's become like family in that short time here and it was hard to see her go. As Jaycee went through the outdoor security and into the airport, Stephanie, with a tear in her eye, said "It's like sending one of our own children off."

Saying hello and goodbye has become a prevalent part of our lives here in Rwanda. Our hearts are always filled with joy when we welcome family and friends or when we meet a new individual or group for the first time. We have met and become friends with people from all over the world... Off the top of my head I can think of new friends from the US, Canada, England, Scotland, Holland, France, Germany, South Korea, Australia, South Africa, Democratic Republic of Congo, Uganda, and Kenya.

Many of the people we meet are only here for a short time, maybe 2-3 weeks on average. While that
may not be enough time to develop a deep bond, we have made many friends with these short term individuals/groups. Other than Julie and our family, there was a 3-4 month period that short term groups were the only ones coming to Kibogora. It's very difficult to form a feeling of community as "the community" is constantly changing. These individual and groups have been hard, as we would just be feeling that we were getting to know them and friendships were developing when it was time for them to leave. Goodbyes were always hard, but not overly difficult.

Then there's individuals and families that are here 3 or more months. The Bergs, the Greens, and Julie were all here for our first 3 months, and all helped us tremendously as we settled in. The individuals that we have been with for 3+ months not only have become close friends, but many will be lifelong friends. We feel there's a certain bond that you develop with others that have followed the same path as you and are serving along side of you halfway around the world. We work together, worship together, pray together, eat together, relax together, and have fun together. Our children all play together. We share our problems and frustrations with each other. The only downside so far is the goodbye's. Goodbye's are very difficult.

Currently, we are so blessed to have a mission full of individuals/families that are here for 3+ months. The Olsons, the Peters, The Albertsons, the Wongs, the Carpenters, Julie, the Greens (who have returned for 3 months), Lauren, Rachel, the Bergs (who have returned), and the Parks are all currently here serving along side of us. 32 people in all that are here and that make up the Amazing Community at Kibogora. It has been so awesome having all of these people here with us, and such a great change from just a few months ago when it was only Julie and Sheila here with us.

I'm definitely not looking forward to late May and saying goodbye to the Greens, Lauren, Rachel, and the Albertsons. I'm also not looking forward to early June when we say goodbye to the Olsons & Peters. I am, however, looking forward to the next month and a half of building stronger friendships, becoming stronger in faith through each other, and having a great time with this group of people God has brought together to do His work.

The Winding Road

 "As the crow flies," Kibogora, Rwanda is only 110 km (just over 68 miles) from the country's capital city of Kigali. That's about the same distance from our home town of Kerrville, TX to the south-east side of San Antonio. Even when you consider San Antonio traffic, that distance can typically be covered in about an hour and a half (barring any traffic accidents).

This distance in Texas makes it feasible to leave Kerrville at 10am, sit down to eat lunch at your favorite restaurant, do several hours worth of shopping, and still be back home in Kerrville to watch your favorite evening sitcom. Here in Rwanda, however, it's a bit different. Here, those 110 straight line km's take about 6 hours to travel, shopping for just about anything in Kigali takes more than a few hours, and it's rare to even see a TV, much less watch a sitcom.

Wait, go back. Did I say it takes 6 hours to drive 110 straight line km's? Yep, I did. This snails pace can largely be contributed to the winding, hilly roads that actually accumulate to around 250 total kilometers (~155 miles), more than double the straight line distance. Even though our destination is north-east, this road we take takes us north, east, south, west, and everywhere in between before finally settling out in a predominantly north-east direction for the last 35 km's of the trip.

So, even though it's about the same straight line distance as going from Kerrville to San Antonio, going from Kibogora to Kigali and back is at least a 2 day trip, but typically more like 3-4 days.

It's been my experience that the path to being a Christian is a lot like traveling from Kibogora to Kigali. Very seldom is it that you see one go in a straight line directly to God. Most of us go the roundabout way... the one with all the winding roads and peaks and valleys. The one that can go from good to bad around any of the countless blind curves we go around. I've made a few modifications to to the map below to symbolize my view of the average Christian's walk with Christ. Take a trip with me (click here for larger map):

Genesis 1:27 reveals, "So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them." This means that we were born in God's image and are sinless until we discover Free Will, so let's start our trip there.

Many of us start our journey from Free Will not knowing exactly where we're heading or where we'll end up. We begin our walk, and instead of heading north-east towards God, we start out heading in the complete opposite direction. We run right into Satan's Trap and begin a downward spiral that takes us on long and dangerous road (Matthew 24:10-13). The time it takes to get down this curvy slope varies from person to person, but, somehow, most of us make it down and run straight into Trouble. Some of us don't spend much time in Trouble, while others sadly spend the rest of their lives there. For many, being in Trouble gives us a chance to assess where we are and where we're headed. Some people continue on the path that leads farther away from God, but, luckily something, perhaps stories we had heard in the past, pulls future Christians to take the path towards Jesus (2 Timothy 2:26).

We have all heard of Jesus before, many of us already knowing the full history prior to this day. Most of us know people that have come to Jesus before, and have heard how wonderful of an experience it was and how they were changed forever. For many of us, close relatives and friends, some including our own parents, had already found Jesus in the past and had been trying to get us to go to Jesus for years. But nothing could prepare us for the feelings we had on the day we found Jesus for ourselves. Jesus sits just inside the "Foret Naturelle de Hope," and we're awestruck at the beauty and awesomeness that surrounds Jesus. Somehow, it always seems like we find Jesus when we need to the most... almost like Jesus was looking for us (Luke 19:10)...

As we come to know Jesus, we are changed forever. Our paths have been changed, and, even though we aren't headed directly toward God, are now at least getting closer. Then, as we leave the "Foret Naturelle de Hope," we, for the first time in our lives, are headed straight towards God. We see warning signs that there are slippery roads ahead leading to Sin, and that we should turn from Sin, but we ignore them as we still feel like we're close enough to Jesus to be affected. Unfortunately, we haven't yet realized what it fully means to know Jesus, and, even though we know that Jesus conquered Sin a long time ago, we all go through Sin (1 John 1:8), and still let Sin push us back down. Once again, we fall farther from God. We constantly think about Jesus, but Sin had such a strong pull that we feel like we're too far from Jesus and God now, and that it's too late to correct the path we're on. Then, at rock bottom, we find Grace (2 Corinthians 12:9; Romans 6:14).


We see the beauty of Jesus in Grace. It's through Grace that our path is set straight and we start to climb back up, and that's when we find Faith (Ephesians 2:8). Then through Faith we find Hope. Then through Hope we find Love, the greatest of these (1 Corinthians 13:13). We start to understand all that we learned about Jesus and how big of a blessing finding Jesus was for us. As we move closer to God, we slow down and spend a lot time in Prayer. And Prayer leads us to Peace (John 16:33).

While in Peace, we see signs and remember what we learned about reaching Repentance (2 Peter 3:9). As we go through Repentance, we are cleansed from all unrighteousness (1 John 1:9) and set on the final path toward God.

We now fully understand that, because Jesus conquered Sin, and because we were set on the right path through Grace, and because we followed the path through Repentance, we now stand innocent before God (Romans 3:24). Because of what happened through Jesus, we can now enter into God and become fellow citizens with God's people, and also members of his household (Ephesians 2:19).


So, where are you on this path? Many of you may already be citizens with God's people. Some may still be in Satan's Trap. Others may be broken down somewhere between Jesus and Grace, or between Hope and Faith, or possibly between Peace and Repentance. The good news is that there is no speed limit on the path between wherever you are and God. But you don't need to wait to continue your journey, because in God you're favorite restaurant will always be open and your favorite sitcom will always be on.

Depending on God

To be completely honest, sometimes I wake up in the morning and wonder why on earth we are here. Knowing I will be heading to the hospital shortly seems daunting. Where did all those dreams go of being able to help so many people? The excitement of leading a life for Christ, feelings of being able to conquer the world?

Well, I know what happened... real life set in. We have been in Rwanda 10 months now. My feelings now are a bit difficult to explain. Some days I feel like I am barely able to keep my head above water. The constant challenges with language, changes in culture, shortages of supplies at the hospital as well as lower standards of care make being at the hospital on a daily basis difficult. Emotionally challenging to say the least. How I miss working with my old crew back in the states. Where things were clean, we had consistent supplies, where I could talk to my patients and their families without an interpreter, where I had other nurses to confer with. Where I didn't see children everyday that were malnourished or burned, or see so many people with osteomyelitis or post op infections. Some of these, like the burns, being so hard on my heart, wondering why on earth it happens and why so very frequently. It can be explained to me so many times and yet I cannot fathom why it happens. One of the things I will never fully understand about this way of life.

All I can say is thank goodness I have our Lord to depend on. Without Him, I could not do this. He gives me strength everyday to carry out what He called us here for. To take care of the least of these, to share His word and to shine for Him. I stumbled upon this verse last week while doing my bible study, "And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all, especially to those who are of the household of faith." Galatians 6:9-10. How fitting for my life at this particular time I thought. God's timing is always perfect.

I ask that you pray with us, that we will not grow weary and lose heart. That we will stand firm and strong in our decision to answer God's call.  James 1:12 says, "Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love Him." Please pray for these patients and their families as well. For God's healing and comfort, that God's hands will be upon them.


In Charles Stanley's book, Developing a Servants Heart, he says, "God calls us to be faithful. Ministry is not something we do for God, but something that God does through us. He is the One who calls us to service, enables us to serve, and produces His desired result form our service."


The Father who dwells in Me does the works.
 John 14:10

On the other hand, I'm constantly reminded of how blessed I am to be a part of God's plan. Blessed to be working with these people, the hospital patients and the staff. Blessed to be part of such an awesome missionary community, full of so much support for each other. I cannot imagine being anywhere else right now. In my heart I know this is where God wants us to be. And He will enable us to do His will! He will give us strength each day!

The View From the Kayak

I'll start this post off by saying that Rwanda is one of the most beautiful places I've ever seen. To the surprise of many people that travel here, Rwanda is full of beautiful rolling hills, deep valleys, perfect 80 degree daytime temps and 60 degree nighttime temps year around, frequent evening rain showers often accompanied by magnificent lightning/thunder storms, green grass, banana plants, rice fields, tea fields, coffee plantations, and abundant gardens everywhere you look. Rwanda is home to an amazing 970 km2 (239,692 acre) rain forest that is home to 13 different primate species, 275 bird species, 1068 plant species, 85 mammal species, 32 amphibian and 38 reptile species. It's a far cry for the dusty, sandy, 120 degree days that most think of when they picture Africa.

Well, a few weeks ago we were enjoying an exceptionally beautiful day here in Rwanda. The sun was shining, the breeze was calm, the water was smooth and warm. It was a perfect day to be spending with the family at our favorite Rwanda get-away, Kumbya.

After spending some time relaxing in the shade, Stephanie and I decided to take the kayak out on the lake. As we were preparing to paddle away, Brandon decided that he wanted to ride with us. So, the three of us set off on what ended up being a 3 mile trip around Three Hump Island.

As we paddled and talked, I couldn't help but look around at the beauty that surrounded us. The beautiful, calm lake that we were kayaking on, the lush green rolling hills that surrounded us, the "dugout" fishing boats that passed in the distance... It was such a peaceful moment.

As I looked in awe at God's creation, I asked Brandon if, once we returned to America, he thought that he would miss being in Rwanda and being surrounded by all this beauty. His answer was a simple "no." I pried a bit and asked why he thought that. He simply explained that he misses his friends and can't wait to return to Texas to see them again. He went on to list a few other reasons that he'd rather be in good ol' Texas rather that Rwanda.

That got me thinking about how often I do the exact same thing. I think we all do. Rather than living in the moment and enjoying what we have, we often wish we were somewhere else doing something different. Rather than being thankful and happy with where we are or what we're doing, we always dream about how green the grass is on the other side.

We all see and feel this on a daily basis. Whether it's wanting a better job, a newer car, a bigger house, better health, bigger muscles, or simply just wanting to do more, we are all guilty of it. The reasoning seems pretty simple: we all think that that one extra thing will make us happy and, in turn, content.

The more I think about it, the more I think we have it backwards... It's human nature to think that happiness will bring contentment... There's always one more thing or a little more money that we need to make us content... Instead, we need to flip that and realize that we must first be content in order to be happy.

So, the logical question is: how can I possibly be content with the situation I'm in?

Well, take a look at the Apostle Paul's letter to the Philippians, where, from a prison cell (one that he thought he might die in), Paul testifies that he learned to be content in any situation:

I rejoiced greatly in the Lord that at last you renewed your concern for me. Indeed, you were concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it. I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength. -Philippians 4:10-13

Paul "learned the secret" and reveals it to all by saying "I can do all things through him (Christ) who gives me strength." This means that all of us, in our relationship and active faith in Him, have the same power of contentment that the Apostle Paul had! That's great news!

Keep in mind that just as Jesus said "Without me you can do nothing" (John 15:5) doesn't mean non-believers can't have good relationships, friends, money, health, etc, "I can do all things" doesn't mean believers in Christ can have whatever they want or that Christians will never be faced with adversity. Instead, what Paul is teaching is that, if you trust in Christ, you can rely on His strength and be content wherever God leads you and in whatever situation you're put in. And, in that contentment, we will find joy and happiness in our hearts, and will, thus, bring honor and glory to God!

Now, I don't expect an 8 year old to understand that (though it didn't stop me from trying to explain... and received a blank stare in return), but I'm happy we had that conversation that day because in his innocent, unknowing way I learned a lot from him that day.

So, I've got to ask you: How's the view from your kayak?

Christmas Joy

This Christmas we were so richly blessed to be able to spread some Christmas joy to many impoverished Rwandan families. For many of these families, this was the first time they received gifts during the holiday season. It was such an amazing feeling to see the excitement on their faces!

It all started in November when I received an email from Beth Palmer, the Outreach Coordinator at our home church in Texas, saying that the church would like to donate $1,000 for us to use in the community. We contacted a man in Canada named John, who has been to Kibogora numerous times. John works with a non-profit organization called African Community for Sustainable Development (ACSD), who, among other things, provides wood-burning stoves that are up to 80% more efficient and greatly reduce the amount of smoke, thus improving the quality of indoor air. John put me in contact with the Rwanda director, Paul, who compiled a list of needy families around the Kibogora area. I was shocked to find out how far the $1,000 would go.

When I spoke to Paul, I told him that we would not only like to purchase stoves, but also provide
some rice, beans, and other beneficial items. Paul sent me back a list that made my jaw drop... The $1,000 that was donated by the loving members of our church family would be able to provide a high efficiency wood-burning stove, 5kg of beans, 5kg of rice, 1 liter of cooking oil, 1kg of salt, 1/2 a stick (about 3 bars) of soap, and water purification for 50 needy families.

50 families!?! For only $1,000!?! I'll admit that when we were in the States it was difficult for us to spend less than $1,000 on our own family for Christmas. Now we're being told that $1,000 will provide all the above gifts for 50 different families. How awesome is that?

Everything was approved, and on Saturday, December 20th, along with 2 ACSD field managers and another worker, we went to deliver the gifts to 5 of the 50 families.

The first stop was at the home of an elderly woman that was caring
for 2 young orphan boys. Her and the 2 children lived in a small mud house that was owned by a local church. She had an outdoor kitchen that had thick black soot on the walls and ashes all over the floor. She was so appreciative of the gifts and had a smile on her face that was so heart warming.


The next stop was at a small mud house owned by a very elderly woman, who had a 15 year old orphan living with her. The kitchen was inside the home. Unfortunately, the woman wasn't home when we arrived, so we presented the gifts to the boy that lived there. After playing with and handing out some toys to some of the local children that had gathered, we loaded back up into the vehicle and started heading back down the hill. When we got about half way down we passed an elderly woman that was being helped up the hill by two elderly men.

We found out that she was the owner of the home that we just visited! We gave her a ride up the rest of the hill, where one of the men that was with us carried her up to her home. When we arrived, we learned that she was sick and had just left the health clinic. When asked if the clinic found anything wrong and gave her medicine, she said that they told her she is just old and that she should return to her home and wait to die... this was by far the hardest stop of the day.

The third stop was the farthest from Kibogora. After almost getting the truck stuck trying to go up a steep hill, we decided it would be better to walk. There was a flat grassy area where the locals play football (soccer) next to where we parked, so our children all stayed and started a pickup game of "kick as hard as you can then run after the ball" with the local children. We headed up the hill to a small village, and went to a small mud house owned by an elderly woman. She was very excited, as were all the rest of the people of the village that came to see the mazungus! Some of the local children followed us down the hill, and Stephanie noticed one little girl that had shoes that were so small they had to cut the heel of the shoe out so her feet could fit (making them more like slippers). As we rounded the last corner and saw the soccer field, we noticed that our children had drawn in a large crowd as well. We looked around and saw that most of the children either had very old shoes or weren't wearing any shoes at all! We had brought a lot of flip flops that had been donated, and decided this was a great time to hand some out. Jaycee had some sandals and started handing those out as well. In all, I think we gave out well over 50 pairs of shoes!

Our fourth stop took us down a steep hill to a small house with a great view. This house was also
owned by an elderly woman, and she also was taking care of an orphan child. She had an outdoor kitchen that had no ventilation, so the inside walls were covered with soot in this one as well. The ACSD field manager said that they are going to cut in a window when they install the stove.

The last stop took us back up to Kibogora, where we walked a short distance down a hill. This was the largest of the homes we visited, and was owned by an elderly woman. She lived there with her 2 children. They were a happy family, and were very appreciative of the gifts they received.

It was such a great experience to be able to present these gifts on the behalf of Kerrville First United Methodist Church! After presenting the gifts to each widow, Stephanie or I would pray and one of the workers would translate. In each prayer we thanked God for these gifts, and especially thanked him for the gift of Jesus Christ! This was a Christmas that we'll never forget!

Pictures from an amazing day!