Depending on God

To be completely honest, sometimes I wake up in the morning and wonder why on earth we are here. Knowing I will be heading to the hospital shortly seems daunting. Where did all those dreams go of being able to help so many people? The excitement of leading a life for Christ, feelings of being able to conquer the world?

Well, I know what happened... real life set in. We have been in Rwanda 10 months now. My feelings now are a bit difficult to explain. Some days I feel like I am barely able to keep my head above water. The constant challenges with language, changes in culture, shortages of supplies at the hospital as well as lower standards of care make being at the hospital on a daily basis difficult. Emotionally challenging to say the least. How I miss working with my old crew back in the states. Where things were clean, we had consistent supplies, where I could talk to my patients and their families without an interpreter, where I had other nurses to confer with. Where I didn't see children everyday that were malnourished or burned, or see so many people with osteomyelitis or post op infections. Some of these, like the burns, being so hard on my heart, wondering why on earth it happens and why so very frequently. It can be explained to me so many times and yet I cannot fathom why it happens. One of the things I will never fully understand about this way of life.

All I can say is thank goodness I have our Lord to depend on. Without Him, I could not do this. He gives me strength everyday to carry out what He called us here for. To take care of the least of these, to share His word and to shine for Him. I stumbled upon this verse last week while doing my bible study, "And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all, especially to those who are of the household of faith." Galatians 6:9-10. How fitting for my life at this particular time I thought. God's timing is always perfect.

I ask that you pray with us, that we will not grow weary and lose heart. That we will stand firm and strong in our decision to answer God's call.  James 1:12 says, "Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love Him." Please pray for these patients and their families as well. For God's healing and comfort, that God's hands will be upon them.


In Charles Stanley's book, Developing a Servants Heart, he says, "God calls us to be faithful. Ministry is not something we do for God, but something that God does through us. He is the One who calls us to service, enables us to serve, and produces His desired result form our service."


The Father who dwells in Me does the works.
 John 14:10

On the other hand, I'm constantly reminded of how blessed I am to be a part of God's plan. Blessed to be working with these people, the hospital patients and the staff. Blessed to be part of such an awesome missionary community, full of so much support for each other. I cannot imagine being anywhere else right now. In my heart I know this is where God wants us to be. And He will enable us to do His will! He will give us strength each day!